Topic Title: Frustrated and Very Unhappy
| |  "Frustrated and Very Unhappy"
, Fri 10 Feb 12:54:
Hello to everyone. I just randomly stumbled upon this website, thankfully and found this board.
Basically, I have no reason to be depressed, but I believe that I am. No interest of mine, such as music and writing brings me much happines and joy anymore. I am easily annoyed and very irritable around others. I am constantly tired and always looking at the glass as 'half empty'. I just got a new job, starting next week, which I should be VERY lucky and very happy to have gotten, since it pays me so much more than my previous one and actually has benfits, excellent work enviroment, great employees that work there, etc.
But, alas, I don't feel anything. Numb. I guess I feel numb, and filled with anxiety and dread and a sadness that climbs over me. Everytime I get off work, I drink(i know, i know) to kill the feelings of anxiety and depression. And it works, most of the time. But the day after is worse than it was before, and the feelings of worthlessness continue onward, and onward, and onward. EVerytime I see customers walking into the store, smiling and talking with eachother or with co-workers, I fail to even muster up enough energy to smile with them. I lost the ability to communicate, it seems. To be like everyonelse. And this bothers me. Friends ask me why I'm such an asshole sometimes to them, and I apologize, and I can't give them an answer. I guess it's because I'm not happy with myself, that I glower at other people's happiness and wish them to be on my level. That's bad. And I want these feelings to go away and never return.
I want to try St. John's Wort, but I'm afraid that it won't work. I don't want to try ANY anti-depressants or see a shrink.
I wanna try something natural. I don't know if what I have is actually depression or just a bad habit that I slip into whenever I wake up until I go to sleep. However it seems like every symptom that has been listed under the definition of depression, I can identify with. Loss of enthusiasm, perpetual feeling of irritibility, fatigue, restlessness,confusion, anxiety, etc..
Most of the time when people talk with me, I understand only 10% of what they are actually saying and everything else is whooshing by me like a strong wind. I easily slip in and out of cognizance when engaged in a conversation. It's annoying and very frustrating for me. I just need to know if anyone knows what I'm talking about, and I'm sure some of you do, or most of you do, but I need to know what's a good remedy for this..depression. St John's Wort?
I can't go into my new job feeling and acting the way I do.
I just want to hide away most of the time. Argggh.
Anyway, I appreciate any comments, advice, tips, etc.. from anyone that has an iota of time to respond.
I understand if you can't.
Thanks so much,
--Kul
[this message was edited by Kul on Fri 10 Feb 13:00]
Posts: 1 | | Registered: Fri 10 Feb 2006 12:29 |
| Replies:
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| |  "Re(1):Frustrated and Very Unhappy"
, Tue 4 Apr 16:12
Yay! Anhedonia! This is one of my more significant problems; the inability to experience pleasure or reward.
On the plus side, I've found out this is a documented psychological phenomenon--it's acknowledged that it exists and it's being empirically studied.
On the minus side, it's a relatively new concept in psychology and they don't know much about what causes it or how to treat it. Chronic anhedonia is seen as a serious condition, as it worsens any other pathology that might exist and often masks their presence; anhedonic people tend not to react to anything, good or bad, so their brains can end up flaying themselves into oblivion and no one will ever know because the person acts perfectly normal (if a little distant). It is very often found with dysthymia and the two exacerbate one another.
Figuring out how to treat this has been one of my problems. Both Serotonin and Dopamine have been implicated, and some believe Noradrenaline may play a part as well--but this information is skewed by the fact that Serotonin is implicated in Dysthymia, which is theorized as the main cause of Anhedonia. The last experimental study I read suggests that chronic anhedonia is caused by an erosion of certain parts of the dopaminergenic system by prolonged stress, which only increases stress' effect on the brain.
Treatment, as far as I know, follows the same indications as depression, so SJW would be among the suggested treatments. Therapists I know suggest it as the first-line treatment for dysthymia, but that's partially because it's over-the-counter.
Posts: 5 | | Registered: Tue 4 Apr 2006 12:6 |
| | "Re(1):Frustrated and Very Unhappy" , Sun 19 Feb 11:36
Kul - its been interesting to read your posts. Sounds like you've gone through some similar issues as me and similar to many others (as I've gleaned from my readings).
Depression can be very subtle in its initial onset. All of a sudden, you realize that you don't have the joy and expectation that you used to feel. You realize that your energy level is not like that of those around you. You notice your friends starting to avoid you (or at least, that's what your brain starts thinking). Waking up in the morning is tough.
I think that when depression has a slow onset for someone who generally doesn't feel depressed - like you - it may be difficult to make a decision to take some sort of medication. It took me years to finally accept pharmaceutical meds (other than a life-long experience of self-medication through alcohol, drugs, and immediate self-gratification activities).
I regret not having taken meds sooner. I strongly believe that part of depression is a mis-function of the body to produce certain necessary chemicals (hormones, enzymes, sertotonin, whatever). Sometimes we need to re-adjust our body and maybe kick-start a metabolic process. Medications such as anti-depressants and SJW can be safe and very effective. I and many people on this SJW board especially feel that SJW is the safest way to help the body re-adjust itself.
I think the outdoor physical activity is one of the best things you can do - #1 Physical activity is good; #2 Getting outdoors is good (vitamin D, which stimulates many other metabolic functions); #3 and doing stuff that helps you to stop thinking about yourself and your depressive state is best!
I really like SJW. I've taken it for over 2 months now and am really happy with it. My energy levels and interest in social interaction have sky-rocketed. I regret how much of life I've missed out on since I was mired in my depression. My self-confidence is back. My interest in succeeding in my future is back.
I hope SJW works for you as much as me.
Here's one last thing - I'm a huge proponent of cognitive therapy. Posters to this board have recommended authors such as David Burns, Dan Amen, and Albert Ellis. I haven't read it all, but cognitive therapy sounds like a great new turn in psychotherapy (since the '50's). These people talk about the fact that you CAN have bad habits in your thinking patterns and help provide the tools to identify unhealthy thinking patterns and change them (which is, of course, much more difficult to do than everyone would like!).
Good luck! Glad you're doing things to help yourself!
cheers
Posts: 28 | | Registered: Wed 7 Dec 2005 20:28 |
| |  "Re(1):Frustrated and Very Unhappy"
, Fri 17 Feb 07:55
I started Kira -thanks to you all!!- eight days ago, and even when the full effects aren't here yet, I feel much, much better. I'm very identified with you Kul, because I'm making the people around me miserable -let's face it. The worst symptom for me is anxiety, I even had a Bell's Palsy a few months ago. I'm surprised of myself, why took me so long to try to do something about it?? I'm sure more than me here is cronic depresive, one of those that don't need anything bad happening to feel awful. I know I always was like this, I know I will always be... nothing is getting worse.
Why are you so afraid of pills? You are at the bottom of the pool, how deeper do you think you'll be able to go?? It's just logic, girl, anything you try, just because you are trying to solve a problem, is already good. Don't let people around make you feel guilty because of the way you are. Some neuronal failure -which is depression -is not your fault, and you don't have to be ashamed of pills, or doctors, tears, whatever... you be depresive, but not ashamed!! I really think the problem is not depression itself, but that it can provoque some inadequate responses that might hurt others. I managed to control my depresive responses by breaking some plates when alone, by writing every anger thought that crossed my mind, by asking others to let me alone a couple of days, by crying every thursday night -from eight to ten -without the need to explain anything to anybody. Now that's not enough, so I take pills. And still a couple days ago I yelled at my husband because he didn't give me a thing for Valentine's... and believe me, I'm not ashamed!
Mmmh, entering this community might be another of those things that one does to control depresion. For me, even though is my first time, it's already working -Weee!
Posts: 0 | | Registered: Fri 17 Feb 2006 7:24 |
| | "Re(1):Frustrated and Very Unhappy" , Sat 11 Feb 16:39
"Everytime I get off work, I drink(i know, i know) to kill the feelings of anxiety and depression. And it works, most of the time. But the day after is worse than it was before, and the feelings of worthlessness continue onward, and onward, and onward."
As you possibly know drink doesn't kill off feelings of anxiety and depression, it just suppresses them. If you can work on that it will undoubtedly help.
"Everytime I see customers walking into the store, smiling and talking with each other or with co-workers, I fail to even muster up enough energy to smile with them. I lost the ability to communicate, it seems. To be like everyone else. And this bothers me."
To me, that sounds like plain old depression...
"I want to try St. John's Wort, but I'm afraid that it won't work."
Why are you afraid it won't work? If it doesn't work, have you lost anything by trying?
"I don't want to try ANY anti-depressants or see a shrink.
I wanna try something natural."
St Johns Wort is a natural herb. Talking to someone about your feelings and emotions is also natural. There's nothing un-natural about it at all. It doesn't need to be a shrink in the sense of a psychiatrist, just a counsellor or someone to talk about things.
"I don't know if what I have is actually depression or just a bad habit that I slip into whenever I wake up until I go to sleep."
It doesn't sound like a bad habit.
"However it seems like every symptom that has been listed under the definition of depression, I can identify with. Loss of enthusiasm, perpetual feeling of irritibility, fatigue, restlessness,confusion, anxiety, etc.."
Sounds like depression to me too...
"Most of the time when people talk with me, I understand only 10% of what they are actually saying and everything else is whooshing by me like a strong wind. I easily slip in and out of cognizance when engaged in a conversation. It's annoying and very frustrating for me."
A lack of focus, like day-dreaming perhaps...? You mentioned writing & music at the beginning of you message, are you artistically inclined?
"I just want to hide away most of the time."
Do you suffer from social anxiety or panic attacks?
(By the way, I am not a doctor...)
Posts: 60 | | Registered: Mon 9 Dec 2002 10:41 |
| | |  "Re(2):Frustrated and Very Unhappy"
, Sun 12 Feb 18:11
Thanks for responding. Yeah, I would like to think of myself as somewhat artistically inclined. Playing acoustic guitar and recording has always been a source of a cathartic release, especially when you get something down that you've been working on for days, weeks, months. And the end result is paradise with a big smile. Writing...same thing. But lately, it's been comically hard for me to enjoy doing either of the two things that I enjoy doing the most. It's like trying to read a book in a language you just don't understand. So I resort to something that I havn't done in years. And years. And more years. Tennis. Getting out more. Running around like a maniac on the court, chasing after a ball seems like a good idea to me. And I think my moods have slightly improved as a result of this physical madness.
I just bought some St. John's Wort today and took one a couple of hours ago. I will continue using this on a daily basis as prescribed on the back of the lable, and see what happens.
--Kul
Posts: 1 | | Registered: Fri 10 Feb 2006 12:29 |
| | "Re(1):Frustrated and Very Unhappy" , Fri 10 Feb 14:27:
Hi
Sounds like you are having it bad. Sorry to hear about your unhappiness and frustration but there is always a way out of the unhappy place you are.
I can only try and understand what you are experiencing and I really feel for you. You explained yourself very well. I too have been down where you seem to be and I believe that you can get out of it and return to 'normal' life, whatever that is for you.
I would strongly recommend st John's Wort especially the brand Perika. It may take a few weeks to take effect but it will be worth the wait. Unhappiness is horrible and I pray that you can find your way out of your situation.
Well done for getting the new job. You must be a very employable person. I am a professional and hid my depression for years. Bad idea, I wish I had discovered St John's wort earlier than I did. It has pulled me out of my unhappy place and I hope it will help you.
Let me know how it goes. I will keep checking on this site.
[this message was edited by zebedee on Fri 10 Feb 14:37]
Posts: 5 | | Registered: Wed 25 Jan 2006 13:5 |
| | | "Re(2):Frustrated and Very Unhappy" , Sun 12 Feb 18:33
Thanks for replying. Like I stated in the new post above yours, I have started to get out more. I think my depression is partly due to me NEVER having any desire or want to hang out with anyone because I feel like I can't match the speed of their energy that they exude as friends. Which, by the way, is very fast, at least according to me. As a result, I become even more bummed out that I have nothing to offer. More tired and more sulky, seeking some sort of solace in the prospect of leaving the situation, just to hide away from everyone. BUT I AM trying St. John's Wort, and I AM hopeful (crossing my fingers) that it will work for me. I think adjusting, rearranging, and kicking some habits of mine into the trash, and pulling some good ones out from a new fresh mind, will help, like getting some excerise, playing tennis(an old favorite of mine that I discarded for rock 'n' roll), eating more fruits & vegetables, etc.. I just don't want to be 'THAT' person that everyone avoids in social situations because I'm an energy vampire. Usually I'm the opposite if there are drinks availble within a 2 mile radiace, then I turn into Mr. Fun Guy that becomes overbearingly fun, and overbearingly annoying as well. But I havn't gone out to any sort of social gathering or party in awhile, which is good. Things are going to change for me. I'm rambling on.
New work will be good. Positive change. Positive people too, which is sometimes, most of the time, always good.
Anyway, I'll keep you and everyone else posted on this adventure I'll be embarking on, for my depression. Gawd...I hope this stuff works.
Thanks again,
--Kul
Posts: 2 | | Registered: Fri 10 Feb 2006 12:29 |
| | | "Re(3):Frustrated and Very Unhappy" , Mon 13 Feb 02:52
"I think my depression is partly due to me NEVER having any desire or want to hang out with anyone because I feel like I can't match the speed of their energy that they exude as friends. Which, by the way, is very fast, at least according to me. As a result, I become even more bummed out that I have nothing to offer. More tired and more sulky, seeking some sort of solace in the prospect of leaving the situation, just to hide away from everyone."
Just a thought...but maybe if you tried a social activity which was slow paced and artistic it might help you...?
Off the top of my head...painting or pottery making? Just a thought...
Posts: 61 | | Registered: Mon 9 Dec 2002 10:41 |
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