Topic Title: Also need advice
| |  "Also need advice"
, Tue 13 Dec 14:51
Hi. My boyfriend whom i love very much is a paranoid schizophrenic. I didn't really realize what all this meant until recently when i got to spend more time with him and it scares me a bit. He has a drinking problem and he pops his medication like pez. I am not going to bail on him. I love him too much, but i want to help him. I just don't know how. any suggestions?? Please help.
Posts: 0 | | Registered: Tue 13 Dec 2005 14:46 |
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| | "Re(1):Also need advice" , Thu 15 Dec 05:03
Paraniod schizophrenia is really serious. I hope he's getting professional help. Definitely shouldn't be drinking. Be careful yourself.
Posts: 13 | | Registered: Thu 1 Jul 2004 7:36 |
| | "Re(1):Also need advice" , Wed 14 Dec 13:26
You just have to wait and see if he helps himself. I don't SJW would do it for him though. He sounds like he needs more. You've got problems too for being with someone like that.
Posts: 4 | | Registered: Thu 8 Dec 2005 11:1 |
| | | "Re(2):Also need advice" , Fri 16 Dec 04:18:
"You've got problems too for being with someone like that."
Tom, don't you think you're jumping to conclusions a bit too quickly? Just because someone stays in a relationship with someone who has problems, even serious problems, that does not necessarily mean they themselves have related issues or are doing something wrong. "Slash and burn" isn't a good methodology for agriculture or for human relations. Sorry if Bella doesn't seem like A-List emotional material to you, but knee-jerk put-downs don't help anyone here.
[this message was edited by H2Obuffalo on Fri 16 Dec 04:19]
Posts: 174 | | Registered: Sat 24 May 2003 2:26 |
| | | "Re(3):Also need advice" , Fri 16 Dec 14:28
No Buffalo,
I’m not jumping to conclusions. Bella just has to wait and see if her man can help himself. Shoot, any fool can see that. She most definitely has problems and my sound advice is ironclad in this matter. Sorry to have irritated and disappointed you Buffalo.
At this point, I would suggest that you see a good Herbalist. Be sure to talk about your condescending nature and see what is recommended.
Posts: 7 | | Registered: Thu 8 Dec 2005 11:1 |
| | | "Re(4):Also need advice" , Sun 18 Dec 11:59:
Hey, Bella, sorry to highjack your very important questions; but I wanted to mention a trend I've seen in some responses to responses on recent posts.
Warning - I'm stepping up on my soapbox!
Here's a quote from the intro of Dr. Burns' "Feeling Good": "The negative thoughts which cause your emotional turmoil nearly ALWAYS contain gross distortions." And Burns was the one who emphasized always.
What I'm trying to say is - everyone stop taking offense at everyone else!
There have been several guys who have been taking offense at other posters' comments. Chill out boys! It ain't all that serious. Everyone here is trying to help everyone else out the very best that they can. Accept differences in character (and writing style) and show some compassion about it. I seriously doubt that people chose to post to this board for malicious intent to insult others.
Tom and H20buffalo - I enjoy the wisdoms in your posts - don't waste your energies and time by finding defense with the other!
[this message was edited by ravengrrrl on Sun 18 Dec 12:33]
Posts: 10 | | Registered: Wed 7 Dec 2005 20:28 |
| | | "Re(5):Also need advice" , Sun 18 Dec 18:04
i'm trying to learn all i can about him. when we started dating i really didn't know what this was all about. i'm trying to do my research. i appreciate all constructive advice. everyone has problems, but the heart can't help who it loves and i love him very much. i'm not going to leave him for this. the drinking is a huge problem for me as my father was an alcoholic. what can i do to help him and to be there for him?
Posts: 1 | | Registered: Tue 13 Dec 2005 14:46 |
| | | "Re(6):Also need advice" , Tue 20 Dec 07:05
Ravengrrl's post is a good one. But as I'm sure that you know paranoid schizophrenia is extremely serious. He must get good professional help and be prepared to help himself. The drinking has to stop also.
Posts: 15 | | Registered: Thu 1 Jul 2004 7:36 |
| | | "Re(6):Also need advice" , Sun 18 Dec 18:44
My mom went to Al Anon and they gave her a lot of personal strength and wisdom. They acknowledge that its the drinker who must decide to change. They did, however, help her with productive ways to try to help the drinker realize that they could live a better life without the alcohol, and that you love them.
Alcohol is scarey stuff. It changes the brain and makes you think your life is worse than it really is. It chemically changes you.
Be carefull, as much as you love your boyfriend, he *might* influence you to make unhealthy personal choices. Always be conscious of your decisions and why you've made them!
That said, its admirable that you're supporting him. No one is perfect, and we all deserve someone who love us despite our faults. I relish some of my depressive tendencies because I consider myself more passionate and compassionate because of it. My husband agrees, although my down-times can be exhausting for all of us.
Sounds like people with schizophrenic tendencies can be real geniuses.
Posts: 10 | | Registered: Wed 7 Dec 2005 20:28 |
| | | "Re(7):Also need advice" , Fri 30 Dec 00:02
I'm glad you have a mom that you can talk with as I'm sure she has gained a great deal of strength and information about e dealing with the subject of drinking combined with emotional difficulties. I just wanted to add a bit of my own personal history since I've shared some of what your mother has dealt with. My first husband turned out to be a very heavy drinker and ultimately evolved into a spouse abuser (physical and emotional). This was a man who has an excellent education, was an executive with a well-known IT outfit and went to Catholic Mass every Sunday. Everyone, including me, considered him ideal husband material. Unfortunately, he knew little about women or how to communicate with them. He saw a wife as someone who was there to provide him with everything he needed and who would respond to all requests without question. He was open to discussion only if I agreed with HIS side of the argument. I knew he liked his beer when I married him, but never forsaw that it would escalate and that he would become violent when angry. We were together for thirteen years and had two kids. I finally had to leave the marriage as the physical violence kept getting worse and my therapist said my personal safety was at huge risk. That was twenty years ago and he still drinks but has a better relationship with his girlfriend because she also drinks. My ex obviously has some emotional baggage that compels him to drink, but I doubt that it is as severe as paranoid schizophenia. I would have to say that the outlook for your having a safe and satisfactory relationship with this person is nearly zero and if I were your mom, I'd be extremely concerned about your future. You are to be commended for caring about him but unless he changed enormously (something that's rather atypical in someone with your man's profile), a solid, safe, and mature relationship isn't foreseeable. Take care and stay safe. KF
Posts: 0 | | Registered: Thu 29 Dec 2005 23:38 |
| | | "Re(7):Also need advice" , Tue 20 Dec 22:12
thanks so much. i do love him and i am being careful. it's so hard because i don't really know how to handle it. he's sorta disappeared for a week and just resurfaced. i know this will happen every so often. it's just a matter of can i deal with it. i'm obsessive compulsive and very insecure so i freaked out completely. this is going to be a baby steps thing.
Posts: 2 | | Registered: Tue 13 Dec 2005 14:46 |
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