Topic Title: am i crazy?
| |  "am i crazy?"
, Tue 18 May 10:36
HI, I am very new to this site
I don’t know if what I have is depression - I can not continue to live the way that I am.
I just turned 29 years old and still feel as if I have no ideal of who I am. I have been with the same man for 12 years, married for 3 and feel as if he has not ideal of who I am.
Sometimes I think that I am just an actress in a movie. I play the role of the wonderful wife, mother and sister but inside I feel like I am a number of different things and feelings. I am constantly reminding myself of my faults. I am just too afraid to be the real me, if that makes any since.
I started to take sjw recently. I just want to stop tearing myself apart and put a stop to my analyzing nearly all situations.. I have become so good at adapting to my enjoinment that I think I have actually lost the real me somewhere between the acting and my own thoughts. AM I CRAZY? Will this even work for me?
Every emotion that is humanly possible, I have 10 fold and take to an extreme. My husband thinks that I am just overly sensitive. He believes that I allow my feelings to get hurt much to easily.
Yes dear! If only he really knew just how sensitive I am - or how mean I can be - how angry I can get - how loving I can be. Yes I feel the emotion. Mostly on the blank pages of my mind that no one will ever read or see ,to judge me or to put me down - until now.
Posts: 0 | | Registered: Tue 18 May 2004 10:34 |
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| | "Re(1):am i crazy?" , Sun 18 Jul 11:55
test
Posts: 9 | | Registered: Tue 18 May 2004 10:34 |
| | "Re(1):am i crazy?" , Fri 16 Jul 12:29
Oh, honey, you haven't lost yourself. You're just not focusing on yourself and who you are.
One thing that I've tried, and which seems to help, is to find issues I have a strong opinion on. For instance, I am very anti-abortion. Accessing sites that are pro-life, keeping up with Bush & Kerry's various statements on abortion and all related areas, that type of thing kind of wakes me up. It gets my adrenaline pumping and gives me a "me" thing to keep up with, something apart from my job and my family to zero in on mentally. In the process, I learn a little bit about me, because in doing this I see that human life is important to me, and that I can be compassionate.
Find an issue which you feel strongly about. It may be religion, the legalization of marijuana for medicinal purposes, growing long hair or helping battered woman -- whatever makes you sit up and say, no, it shouldn't be that way. Find something to fight for and you'll find out who the woman inside really is.
Additionally, you might try keeping a journal, if that's appealing to you. Make a list of tangible traits you want to change. Be specific but not critical. That means instead of writing, "no backbone or ability to stand up for myself", put, "taking on more activities than I can handle at once." Keep the list at a minimum, around three or four traits. Then every night, or as you can, sit down and write something you did *well* that day. Strive to work on the traits you listed, but if you were unable to work on one that day, pick out something you did well that day instead. This will teach you to begin looking for the good in yourself.
I also have to battle negative, critical thoughts about myself -- as women, we all do! Another thing I do to combat that is either a) use logic to neutralize it, or b) find a good trait to match every bad thought. When I snap at someone at work and tell myself that I'm turning into a total b****, I counter that by thinking, no, there are plenty of times when I'm not snappy or impatient, OR I tell myself, okay, I was a little rude, but I'm also learning to be more assertive and learning to take charge of a situation better.
I hope some of this helps you. We've all been there, gal! Hang in there and don't give up on yourself -- we sure won't!
Ana
Posts: 6 | | Registered: Wed 14 Jul 2004 14:12 |
| | "Re(1):am i crazy?" , Mon 7 Jun 17:16
i am a 32 year old married man in southern California and i have many of the same feelings that you talked about in your post. I would like to email your or talk to you about what you have gone throug. I recently started taking sjw and i feel that we are in the same boat. If your are interested in emailing or talking on the phone please let me know. Thank you john
Posts: 0 | | Registered: Mon 7 Jun 2004 17:13 |
| | | "Re(2):am i crazy?" , Mon 14 Jun 12:42
I am sorry that I had never had a chance to reply to your request for a chat. I would like to speak with you if the invite is still open. My e-mail is [email protected] - until then- I wish you happy thoughts and a peaceful mind.
Mardee
Posts: 3 | | Registered: Tue 18 May 2004 10:34 |
| | "Re(1):am i crazy?" , Thu 20 May 20:39
looking4me,
Sweety, your not crazy!!
Sounds like you lost your sense of self along the way .You sound like avery ulteristc person,but as much as family means everything, I think you have to find a little time for your self during the week. A little bit every day. A warm bubble bath after everyone has gone to sleep. a coffee or lunch out with the girls. Gow out and buy yourself a new perfume. Or just stick a big chewey wad of bubblegum in your mouth and blow bubbles. Can't worry or stress about too much when your having some fun.
You will learn again what you,ve always known, that you are special and you deserve to spoil yourself once in a while.Don't feel guilty when you do because treating yourself once in a while is not in my opinion a luxury, It's a neccesity.
So kiddo, no,your not crazy, your just like the rest of us , HUMAN!!
Now go send the kids of the grandma for a few hours, grab your husband by the hand , and well ........ I think you can take it from here.
let us know how your doing
brighteyes
Posts: 19 | | Registered: Thu 1 Apr 2004 8:35 |
| | "Re(1):am i crazy?" , Tue 18 May 13:12
CHECKING
Posts: 1 | | Registered: Tue 18 May 2004 10:34 |
| | "Re(1):am i crazy?" , Tue 18 May 12:48
Hi,
I really don't think you're going crazy, although I can see why you would feel like you were.
You met your husband at a young age and have been with him for a long time. It happens a lot for people to "lose themselves" in their relationships. It used to happen to me all the time when I first started getting into serious relationships, until I realized what was going on. I would let my whole world revolve around the person I was with and stop thinking about me, about my needs and who I was. I wasn't "me" anymore, I was "him and me" which would eventually catch up to me and make me miserable.
As for you not being yourself.....I was seeing a therapist for a while, and she told me how part of my depression was due to the fact that I didn't feel like I could be me. I'm a very outgoing person, I love to be loud and make people laugh, I also have somewhat of a temper. I had recently gotten married to a conservative husband who expected me to be "perfect", meaning, I could never get angry, I could never point out whatever was wrong in our relationship....I always had to be smiling and agreeable. On top of all that, I have a very demanding job in a very conservative office, which means that I cannot wear what I want, I cannot act the way I want etc... I have to be the total opposite of who I was both at home and at the office.
My therapist told me that it was very unhealthy for me to go on like this, and she was right, I was going crazy not being able to be myself, not even in my own home. So I went home, and told my husband that things were going to change, that from then on, I was going to be me, I was going to express myself whether he liked it or not, because that's ME! He didn't like it too much, still doesn't, but he does realize that that's who I am and I'm not going to change for anyone, cause I happen to like who I am.
I too am an emotional person, and I have come to appreciate that about myself, because to me emotional, also makes you more compassionate, more loving....more of everything! Would you rather be cold?
Expressing yourself doesn't have to be you showing your emotions to everyone. If you're not comfortable with that, find a different way, like dancing (my personal favorite), writing, painting etc... anything that allows you to express yourself comfortably. Don't keep it bottled up.
Hope my ramblings make sense to you! :-)
Posts: 14 | | Registered: Thu 29 Apr 2004 7:11 |
| | "Re(1):am i crazy?" , Tue 18 May 11:46
Let me just say that no one is prefect and no one is going to be in this life anyway so stop beating yourself up about that.as far as emotion most feeling are normal and with out saying like a man. Woman have more emotions that men God created them that way for riseing children .they are more sensitive for that reason thats normal so don't hide it see most guys don't understand that and think the woman is weaker but in realty she not she just more sensitive thats normal.I don't think you have depression but I think if you keep dwelling in these kind of thoughts you can get your self into one.I would try to relax think things thru be true to yourself
and try to come to the point to talk to your husband on how you feel sometimes we think the other person would never understand how we feel but the true is how could they if we never tell them there not mind readers.remeber Gods loves you Hope thinks work out for you I'll Pray for you.
Tom
oh 3:16
For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
Joh 3:17
For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved
1Pe 3:5
For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands:
1Pe 3:7
Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.
Posts: 49 | | Registered: Tue 30 Mar 2004 11:0 |
| | |  "Re(2):am i crazy?"
, Wed 19 May 08:37
Thank you for your responses. I just wish that I understood the real me. I think that sometimes I fear for the person I am , afraid to be the person I can be. This may sound very odd and although I love my family and my two small children ,I feel as if I picked the road the was the easiest for me to survive in this world. Maybe if I was a stronger person I would have explored my potential. I realize that it is never to late to do the things I wish I had, but I just need to be more open to change. I need to let go and let God. I need a little inspiration.
I sometimes think that maybe in another life I will be stronger. I will use the gifts I have been given to spread my wings and fly. I wish I could do it in this life here and now. I think that without letting myself go, I will always feel as if I am missing something.
Posts: 2 | | Registered: Tue 18 May 2004 10:34 |
| | | "Re(3):am i crazy?" , Wed 14 Dec 08:44
I don't know how old your post was to this site or if you even still check in from time to time - but I have to tell you that you ARE me or you WERE me anyway...SAME situation...I am 30, have a two year old daughter with the man I've been with on and off for 10 years...he's had many problems along the way, including alcoholism, gambling problems and painkiller addiction. He has since recovered from all of that - doing great - and yet, even though I should be happy with him finally since he's the man he always should have been - I feel like something is missing. We are about to start looking for a home of our own in the new year (still live with my mom and me and her argue daily - but that's another story)...I am afraid to move on with him because I am just not happy somewhere...I kiss him but feel like stone inside. I have absolutely NO physical relationship with him whatsoever and do not want one...this causes stress between us...You could say I become bored with him even though our lives are so busy and crazy most of the time, I am still bored when it's just me and him. I feel like I'm the only one talking and that makes me feel like I ramble. I still feel weird to do some things and to act certain ways and express certain interests around this man I've known for 10 years and have a child with. I should feel so totally comfortable by now, shouldn't I? I don't know if it's him making me feel uneasy or if it's me. I regret the paths I've chosen in life. I LOVE my daughter completely, but I regret that I didn't do things in life that I could have or should have - feeling like I let my talents drift away instead of using them as I feel God would have liked me to and I would have liked to. I resent and regret my choices and even though my friends are either married, engaged, have children and can relate to my lifestyle - their happiness and contentment with the mother/wife lifestyle irritates and angers me because I feel I am the only one who feels uncontent and unhappy despite all of my blessings. Most people irritate me and I am ashamed to say that I think it's when things are going good in their lives or they seem happy to me, that I can't stomach them the most. It's a cold, angry feeling that I develop for them - even my closest of friends and family. It's an ugly feeling inside - causing me to hate myself and despise the way I look on the outside as well as the inside. I listen to myself talk to people and then replay those words in my head over and over and I feel socially anxious and unworthy of being in certain people's company. I feel people think I'm weird. As far as my dreams and accomplishments, I also know it's not too late to try to make something of myself as an individual but I also feel tied down to being a full-time working mother. There isn't enough time, energy or money to pursue my own things. When will I ever feel content and happy? Will SJW work? I hope you or others reading can give me some insight - thank you.
Posts: 0 | | Registered: Wed 14 Dec 2005 8:33 |
| | |  "Re(4):am i crazy?"
, Wed 14 Dec 09:29
These are some of the words you used to describe yourself and how you are feeling, afraid, bored, uneasy, regret, resent, irriates, anger, uncontent, unhappy, ashamed, anxious, unworthy, weird, ugly, hate, despise, tied down. Wow, those are some very powerful negative thoughts and feelings you are having. But I think there is good news, in my opinion SJW or any of the other remedies for depression/anxiety will most likely help you to feel better. But it's not going to be easy to change the way you think until you start making better choices for you and your and daughter. Here's a little insight I want to pass along about Mother that my therapist gave me and now me to you. Snow is cold, water is wet, and Mother will always be mother. The point is she will never change. Only you can control your reactions to her, or lack of reaction. Once you move out I bet you will feel better. Now if you could just forget and let go of the mistakes and regrets of your past and concentrate on your future, that would be good. It's going to take one small step at a time, changes won't take place over night. Start by making one good choice like trying SJW for a month, then in a month do something else for yourself that will change your future. Exercise, listen to christian music, if you can voluteer once a month, find a group to join, Mother's of preschoolers, alanon, any group where you can get support. As for not having a physical reltionship that is probably because of the way you are feeling. Look at all those negative things you are saying to yourself. I would bet that once you start feeling "good" again your feelings for him will return. So that's my 2 cents...
Good luck
MJ
MJ DuPont
Posts: 654 | | Registered: Wed 20 Jun 2001 6:19 |
| | | "Re(5):am i crazy?" , Wed 14 Dec 09:48
Thank you - I appreciate your 2 cents. I have been trying to decide whether or not to end the relationship but I think I will follow your advice and try the SJW first and see if once I am feeling "good" again, if I still feel like I want to move on from him. I think I owe it to both him and I to at least try to remedy my personal situation first before I make any rash decisions about him. I just don't want to string him along - cause that would not be fair to him and it only makes me feel guilty and depressed inside. Yes, you are totally right when you say mother will be mother. I try to control my reactions to her and sometimes that is very hard - probably more hard because of the mindset I am dealing with right now. She is not easy to deal with - especially with my daughter involved. She doesn't think twice when telling me what to do and doesn't give me the space to make my own choices for my daughter - even going as far as to make me feel incapable and helpless. I hope to be able to move out ASAP but don't want to make any permanent moves with my daughter's father - in case things don't work out with us. I just don't want to be living somewhere I could not afford if I had to live their and pay the bills on my own! God, life is hard! I thank you for your understanding - it helps to know that I am understood and your advice and positive support are very kind. Thanks again! Do you think I should ask someone at the vitamin store to advise me on what brand of SJW to take?
Posts: 1 | | Registered: Wed 14 Dec 2005 8:33 |
| | | "Re(3):am i crazy?" , Thu 20 May 03:26
I totally understand how you are feeling. I think we as mothers tend to get "LOST" in the lives of our children and family, especially when the children are young, because they need us for everything. It is important for you to have some time for yourself to do something just for you. I think you are depressed, you sound hopeless. But there is hope, before you know it the kids will be in school and you will be able to work on your own dreams. Once you make the step to do something for yourself, it becomes easier and easier to go on.
MJ DuPont
Posts: 644 | | Registered: Wed 20 Jun 2001 6:19 |
| | | "Re(3):am i crazy?" , Wed 19 May 08:53
you don't have to understand the real you right now just trust God and he'll show you the real you he create you believe me he now all about you what your going thru if you have a Bible read the book of John and get to know God Thru his son Jesus.He loves you he die for you thats how much he cares we get into a lot of problem in this life because we try to do thing our way with God.We don't know 2 sec from now what going to happen he does so way not trust him I like to share is with you.
God Bless You
Tom
Mt 6:25
¶ Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment?
Mt 6:26
Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they?
Mt 6:27
Which of you by taking thought can add one cubit unto his stature?
Mt 6:28
And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin:
Mt 6:29
And yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.
Mt 6:30
Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith?
Mt 6:31
Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed?
Mt 6:32
(For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things.
Mt 6:33
But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.
Mt 6:34
Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.
Posts: 51 | | Registered: Tue 30 Mar 2004 11:0 |
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