Topic Title: And then I woke up...
| |  "And then I woke up..."
, Wed 23 Apr 09:59
...after three weeks on SJW, and I felt a joy so strong I almost couldn't bear with it; I went out in the sun and stood there laughing, mindless of people passing by and looking... It was like I woke up from a 10 years long bad dream.
Luckily, it only lasted a couple of hours, or else I would have turned to the other side of insanity! It's been a week since then, and I've been feeling "just a little bit better", like many of you say in this forum: the darkness is still there inside me, but somehow everytime it tries to overcome me something blocks it, I take a deep breath, and go on with my life. It reminds me of when I have heartburn and take a tablet of Maalox: the gastric juices flow, you prepare for the ache but... it never comes.
Since I'm just into my second month I still hope the hypericum action will grow stronger and wash away the remains of the monster inside me; but then, I read the posts of many people who still have this "dormant pain", and think that maybe it's just the way it is meant to be... I still have many problems, a long untreated depression has broken my life to pieces and now I have to patiently put them together; indeed, I have many good reasons for being sad, anxious and worried. But if these feelings don't overcome me, if I don't go back to that closed cycle of pain-pain-pain, I'm confident I can fight them, with my own forces, and I dare anyone to say this happened because of a "magic" pill. As for now, I don't have happiness, but I have hope, and that's quite enough for me.
At least, I would never have posted this message one month ago!
Cheers people, may we all get the joy we deserve...
Posts: 0 | | Registered: Wed 23 Apr 2003 9:19 |
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| |  "Re(1):And then I woke up..."
, Sun 27 Apr 19:37
I've had mild depression since I was 30, kicked off by a pretty major depression that followed a lengthy bout with mono. I took some beta blockers at that time and it was horrible. I decided to get off those and fight it without drugs. I spent the longest time fighting it with no help. That was very difficult and greatly impacted my daily life. It was tough making it through to the next hour sometimes (i.e., I simply felt like crawling in a hole and shutting the world out, really not suicidal). The hardest thing I ever did. I had limited sucess with that approach. Finally thought I'd try the least intrusive method I was aware of and that was SJW. I don't know if it is the SJW or a placebo effect but certainly I feel 99.9% "normal" - I've taken SJW for probably 5 years. I still sense the "demon" is lurking in the background and sometimes rears its ugly head but I now understand what it is when it happens, accept it, and I believe SJE has allowed me to simply ignore it and move on. Its been a God-send for me. I doubt if my depression will ever go away entirely but I've learned to live with it to the point its really not at big deal. I know I can control it with diet, exercise, life balance ... and SJW. There is hope, at least I've lived through it for 20 years and the last 5 have been great since SJW. Good luck...
Posts: 8 | | Registered: Wed 5 Mar 2003 20:11 |
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