Topic Title: wondering.
| |  "wondering."
, Thu 3 Apr 16:35
hello, my name is matt, i am almost twenty. for years i have struggled with depression. i find myself a lot of the time confused, angry, and unable to cope with life. i dropped out of my second semester of bible college due to the fact that i felt sad all the time. about a month ago something very odd happened. i went into the big form of confusion. i started to just doubt my faith, and i felt like i didn't love my girlfriend anymore. everything inside of me just was cold, it was as if something just snapped inside of me. i cried all the time, i wept, unable to cope with confusion of my wind. a part of me felt good because i at least was feeling something. i was wondering, if anyone else had anything happen to them like this? i find myself being very critical of everyone, espicially my girlfriend, and find her happiness a burden. i started taking st. john's wort a few days ago, one pill, three times a day. i don't know if it would have worked already, but i found myself being able to think things through a bit more clearer. how long does it take for it to work? my girlfriend is amazing, and for the past year (we just celebrated our one year anniversary april 1st) things have been great, but the months (i have been up and down over the past few years, struggled with serious sucidal thoughts, and attempts) of depression seems to be affecting us. i feel so cold on the inside, but i want more than anything to feel better. my girlfriend is staying by my side, even in spite of my up and downess... even leading to us breaking up and then getting back together. can anyone help me? is it normal to have critical thoughts, and confusion? i don't know if this makes any sense.. but it's as if my mind and heart is gone, but my will is still there, trying to press on my mind and heart, but to no avail. everything around me is good, my family loves me, and is there for me, and my girlfriend is amazing - it dosen't make any sense. i feel so alone and am thinking about leaving home and running away.
matt
sorry for my long message.
Posts: 0 | | Registered: Thu 3 Apr 2003 16:18 |
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| |  "Re(1):wondering."
, Wed 9 Apr 18:30
I just had to respond when I read about your experience. I can't tell you if the SJW has begun to help you yet. But I can tell you that I felt better after 48 hours, just knowing that I was working towards feeling better.
You are definitely not alone!!!!
I can understand your feelings and I have been there.
Seek help, any that you can get.
Cherish your girlfriend standing beside you and remember that in the days that come.
You can beat this and feel better.
Those voices inside your head will never disappear. You will always doubt and question your path but it will get easier!!!
Take care !!!!
B
Posts: 1 | | Registered: Sat 29 Mar 2003 18:58 |
| | "Re(1):wondering." , Sat 5 Apr 22:21
Having been clinically depressed for years myself...I have tried to find refuge in many pursuits, including prayer and deep faith...while this has helped immensely cope with the pain of severe depression, it has never "miraculously" made the terrible feelings inside me go away....so my guess is that even if you were in law school, or digging ditches, that you'd be questioning your endeavors, your relationships etc..this is the nature of depressive despair....your pursuits are not the issue...this is a deep chemical imbalance...get some medical help, and use your faith to support you through your recovery....
Posts: 1 | | Registered: Sat 5 Apr 2003 22:12 |
| | "Re(1):wondering." , Fri 4 Apr 06:27
Matt,
I had the same bible college experience. I can't twrite long now but will post later. But for now, as long as your will is intact, hold on, have hope, the gift of faith will protect you even if you are faithless.
John
Posts: 3 | | Registered: Sat 29 Mar 2003 6:34 |
| | | "thanks" , Fri 4 Apr 11:17
i'm glad you responded. i will be sure to check back regularly.
Posts: 1 | | Registered: Thu 3 Apr 2003 16:18 |
| | | "Re(1):thanks" , Fri 11 Apr 11:26
Matt,
I am 23 and am just researching SJW in thoughts of taking it myself. Therefore I cannot offer you any advice on SJW, and the causes of our similar moods most likely come from totally differenct sources, but I can offer you some of the life lessons I've learned over the last couple years. I've struggled with depression and learned a lot in my search for its fix. I've tried prescription drugs to eating healthy to finding new forms of excercise-- but mostly I've tried to learn about health. I equate health with happiness and know from experience that depression is a sign that somethings wrong. We're suppossed to get depressed--is our body's language. That much I know. However, sometimes your descent into that depth of depression is slow and unmarked--so sometimes you need something to help you get back on top to where it is once again about prevention and awareness. I have much more advice to offer if you would like. In short, depression is fixable and preventable, but our illness can be a symptom of both bodily and environmental causes.
Posts: 0 | | Registered: Fri 11 Apr 2003 11:13 |
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