Topic Title: Don't know why I do what I do ?
| |  "Don't know why I do what I do ?"
, Mon 25 Nov 11:33:
Hello,
I have been reading everyones posts and found it so comforting. Maybe I am not alone? I am having a bit of a hardtime, Went to the doctors who gave me a prescription for Paroxetine. Which I decided not to take, so I started about 5 days ago St Johns Wort; due to my research and this fantastic site. Reason for all this in the first place, is I was having really bad PMT, feeling insecure, moodswings, sleeping for days etc. Also, During this time, I have arguments with my boyfriend, - Although I trust him a 100%. And he is the best thing for me. So my boyfriend, does understand to a certain extent, but my depression comes and goes and can result in exteme behaviour, and that is hard for him. Normally, we have a great relationship, it like something out of a film, that is why it is such a shame - I am ruining it.
It is all very bizarre; because also I am very successful at work and I have lots of friends. Work is a bit stressful, due to the general climate; and I think that is making me a bit depressed on top of the usual amount I get just monthly.
This weekend was pretty awful, we argued most of it, because he wasn't giving me enough attention. (I was feeling low). I was also upset, my friend is very ill. I wanted him to be there for me. But he wasn't so I said a few horrible things, and the arguments begin.
Anyhow, I think I have broken up with my boyfriend, he said he can't handle it anymore, I don't think I can handle myself anymore. I don't understand the things I do. It is such a shame, if I lose him, I will be in even bigger trouble. So I have to try now to work out why I acted the way I did. Maybe, it was the SJW but Now, I feel normal I have uped the dose today to 3 tablets (1 at dinner and 2 before bed), ! was just taking two (before Bed). Only side effects I have is an achey tummy and I am very thirsty, But I understand that is normal. And I take Vit B6. I also eat very healthy and work out 3 times a week. If anyone has any other ideas of what I should take, let me know. Over the weekend, I was like a different person. I was so over-sensitive, and my whole thought process was very negative. The SJW, hasn't worked in a positive way yet, but I have read it gets worse before it gets better, so maybe this is just part it. I don't know. But I am not going to give up, I want to act like a normal person. Sorry it is such a long one....
Amanda.
[this message was edited by AmandaP on Mon 25 Nov 15:09]
Posts: 1 | | Registered: Mon 25 Nov 2002 11:24 |
| Replies:
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| |  "Re(1):Don't know why I do what I do ?"
, Wed 27 Nov 06:43
I have read your post and all the responses to it. I can relate to all of the posts. However, none of you have, apparently, tried Sam-e. Sam-e starts to work immediately. I take 400mg daily, and must admit, I have never felt so good. Although, I did give up alcohol, not that I was a big boozer,but when I did drink, afterwards I would get very negative and have strong guilt feelings.
Since I have been taking sam-e, I feel more positive, have less negative thoughts and I can function normally socially. I love it. Try it. Hopefully, it will work for you. Let me know.
Posts: 89 | | Registered: Sat 13 Oct 2001 9:3 |
| |  "Re(1):Don't know why I do what I do ?"
, Tue 26 Nov 05:46
Hi Amanda, I've been on SJW for about 2 weeks now, and I've had some real ups and downs so far. I keep reading over and over in these posts that you have to give it a few weeks to really start working. After 4 days I felt really good for 2, and then I went really, really low. For most of the past week I have been more depressed than ever. I had one day in between where I was ok. Now today finally I'm a little more "up".
My depression and anxiety affects my marriage too. I also have bad PMS. I am so moody, irritable, and edgy with my husband a lot of the time and I can really go into one. (So can he though hehe.) I feel out of control with my emotions sometimes and I feel bad for him when that happens.
We just have to stick this out I think and hopefully we will feel the effects that so many benefit from. I hope things get better for you. Thanks for sharing 
Posts: 32 | | Registered: Tue 12 Nov 2002 5:13 |
| | | "Re(2):Don't know why I do what I do ?" , Wed 27 Nov 00:24:
Hi - thanks so much for your note. I am on day 6 now with my SJW, and feel much better. Sleeping really well. which really helps. My mood is a lot more positive and I generally feel really good about everything. It is such a contrast to how I felt at the weekend. When you are feeling low, it is like you feel nothing will ever get better. But it is just my thought process, and the worrying about stuff that might not even happen. But we all get ourselves in such a state.
I made up with my boyfriend, and everything is back to normal.
So it is a matter of me learning that when I'm feeling low, just to be positive, because everything always works out in the end.
but when you are feeling depressed, you can get your brain, to work properly, it has a mind of it's own, and it takes you over with bad , horrible feelings. gosh I hate it.
Today, I feel good and ready to take on the world,
Lets see how the next few days goes.
thanks, Amanda.
[this message was edited by AmandaP on Wed 27 Nov 02:49]
Posts: 2 | | Registered: Mon 25 Nov 2002 11:24 |
| | |  "Re(3):Don't know why I do what I do ?"
, Wed 27 Nov 03:03
Hi, I'm so glad that things are going well for you!
I know just what you mean by the negative thoughts taking over. I worry and worry so much, and I justify it by telling myself that I'm a realist, but there is just too much negativity for that to be true. I worry about everthing from organizing my time to being afraid that my husband and I are going to get cancer, with so much in between. My thoughts have always been consumed by worry. My husband told me once that it seems like my mind goes to hell because my thoughts are so bad. I'm hoping the SJW will chill me out more because I'm always stressing.
It is amazing how our state of mind can change and it makes all the difference. When you're feeling bad it doesn't seem like things can be good, and when you're feeling good, you wonder what you ever worried about.
Take care 
Posts: 33 | | Registered: Tue 12 Nov 2002 5:13 |
| | |  "Re(3):Don't know why I do what I do ?"
, Wed 27 Nov 03:00
Glad you have made up with your boyfriend....what you say sounds so familiar...with the moods and regrets afterwards, its such a horrid feeling! I tend to go 'berserk' then feel totally bad about myself for the rest of the day, and wished I'd never ie. said, acted or shouted the things I have, but cant seem to help myself at the time!I just hope it passes soon....my PMT seems to last for 3 weeks a month at present! Groan.
Posts: 10 | | Registered: Thu 7 Nov 2002 2:36 |
| | |  "Re(4):Don't know why I do what I do ?"
, Wed 27 Nov 06:29
Hello Amanda- Depression mixed with anxiety is a hard thing to control. Pills can help, but a changing in the thought process is the only way to get a firm grip on it. A anxious person wakes up with negative thoughts and sees negative things all about them. We fill our brains with negative images of all possible disasters. The people and things around us are not causing the negative images, we are doing it. We are thinking all the time and a depressed person imagines every possible problem. We are creating the negatives in our mind. They don't exist anywhere else than in our thoughts.The real world, that most people live in, is a good place, a nice place. The depression and anxiety we have just keeps us from seeing it. We have to begin by refilling our minds with positive images, seeing the real world, and not the hell we create in our thoughts. It took a long time to fill our minds with garbage and it takes time to be rid of it. I wish you success and peace!!!
James
Posts: 29 | | Registered: Tue 5 Nov 2002 7:3 |
| | | "Re(5):Don't know why I do what I do ?" , Sat 30 Nov 03:04
Hi everyone,my husband buys me St. John now ,he was of course the first one to notice the change in me,but pms week I still turn into godzilla sometimes,during that week I have to go off my progesterone cream so I thought about increasing the dosage of St. John ,like I read about on one of the other posts. I thought it might help when my head starts to spin around,ha ha. I never had pms or anxiety until this year. Turning 37 sucks,but thank god for st.john it's been a miracle because I can be alot worse without it.
Posts: 6 | | Registered: Tue 26 Nov 2002 14:27 |
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