Topic Title: Fear & loathing in LA
| |  "Fear & loathing in LA"
, Sat 2 Nov 01:26
My life changed virtually overnight around seven months ago. Having been free of this cursed condition for some thirty years it suddenly kicked back in without warning. I`m now at a point where ending all this pain and anguish seems an attractive option. Let me explain....
When I was first courting my wife -- an old fashioned turn of phrase, but I`m an old fashioned sort of guy -- I became insanely jealous and possessive. I was consumed with jealousy. It made my (then) girlfriend`s life a misery. She couldn`t wear what she wanted to wear; couldn`t speak to other men; couldn`t read papers or magazines in case there was something offensive in there. For three years it threatened to break us up. That would have been a tragedy because on the day -- the very day -- we got married, all this jealousy disappeared. Overnight. Gone.
Today, 30 years later, it`s back. Back with a vengeance and will, if it continues like this, finally break us up. My wife is an attractive woman. She`s kept herself fit and slim and has what all men would call `a great figure.` But not me. I am terrified of men looking at her, particularly her breasts. Suddenly -- in my eyes -- her breasts are growing bigger, her tops getting smaller and tighter, her every movement provocative. This is all utter nonsense, of course. I know it. I used to be proud of the fact that men noticed her when we were out because I could stand back and think, "She`s mine!"
I became so depressed that I finally had to admit defeat and go to the doctor. I needed help. He sent me to the local mental hospital. The psychiatrist seemed unsympathetic and very professional. He gave me Seroxat. It floored me and I gave it up after four days of feeling like the walking dead. I went back. Now he insists -- yes, insists -- I take Prozac. I said I`d think about it. Then I had a breakdown last week. I won`t go into the details as it is too upsetting. I went to the doctor on an emergency appointment. She told me off for turning up without a proper appointment (!) and then told me it was Prozac or nothing. I walked out shaking, tearful, utterly lost.
My wife is trying to support me, but the strain on her is terrible to see. She`s attractive, why should she hide herself away? Is my problem simply that I want to contorl her? But why am I doing this?
Clues.... Shortly before my first attack of this in my late teens my mother went into hospital for a hysterectomy. I went to see her and was convinced she was dying she looked so ill. Was this fear of losing someone the cause of my possessiveness? Don`t look at my girlfriend I don`t want to lose her? Move on 30 years. My wife`s mother died in the Spring. My problem kicked in. I am convinced this is all about the fear of losing my wife to another man. This is all about loss and my insecurity.
My wife is interested in alternative health care -- we are a family of vegetarians -- and put me on SJW. I`ve been on it a week. So far the only effect has been one of slight lethergy and a fuzzy head -- mentioned by others on this fabulously-helpful site. Like you, I want a magic pill that will take away all my problems. I guess that will not happen, but I`m desperate. Each day is a nightmare. God knows what the future will be if I can`t get these ridiculous thoughts out of my stupid head.
Anyone else suffer from this crippling condition? I look forward to hearing from you.......
Posts: 0 | | Registered: Sat 2 Nov 2002 1:26 |
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| |  "Re(1):Fear & loathing in LA"
, Sat 2 Nov 06:18
Dear Polar:
You seem to have insight about your obsessive, irrational jealousy being related to your fear of losing a woman you love. It's easy for me to say, but you must get a grip on yourself and try to stay grounded in reality. Your wife has been faithful to you for 30 years and is not suddenly going to be otherwise. Plese continue taking 3 tablets of St. John's Wort a day (be sure it's standardized)...It kicked in for me on the 7th day but many people need to wait a few weeks more before getting relief. Don't confuse the issue by taking 5-HTP or Valerian with it, just stay with SJW. I sometimes take 4 tablets a day and it can't hurt. Valerian Root is used to help a person sleep and some people use lower doses for anxiety. If you're able to afford psychotherapy, it might possibly help...It can't hurt to have a supportive person to talk to on a regular basis. Since, like many of us here, you're determined NOT to take prescription medication, don't give up, but keep taking SJW and, when you need emotional support, just post a message here and I, and others will offer you advice as best we can. Good luck.
Jeanette
Posts: 41 | | Registered: Wed 25 Sep 2002 5:50 |
| | | "Re(2):Fear & loathing in LA" , Mon 4 Nov 12:06
Dear Patsy and Jeanette -- many thanks for your prompt replies to my post. Thank God for the internet where people like us can get support from eachother. Without it we would have to rely on health professionals and my experience -- particularly in the mental health sector -- has been that they don`t seem to care. "Take these tablets and go away..."
OK -- here`s what I take. Once a day, at (a meagre) breakfast I take one 900 SJW, which I think is standardised. I can`t find the box as my wife hides it to stop me taking too many on bad days, but I think it said it is standardised. If I`m having a bad day I also take two Lanes `Quiet Life` tablets which contain motherwort/hops/passiflora/valarian. I was so stressed out last night that I took two before bed. They seem to help get me to sleep, although I often wake early at around 5AM; a bad time when the first thought of the day is negative. I fight to stop it, but once it`s infected my brain it multiplies and festers like a bacteria.
I`ve seen an ad for `Nature`s Best` SJW 500ug. They are much cheaper than the Kira -- which here in the UK are very expensive. Any thoughts on these? Three a day/two a day?? Not standardised?
I finally had my follow-up letter from the mental hospital regarding my request to see a psychologist for cognitive therapy. I have to wait three months for an appointment! At first I was horrified. How am I going to get through three months -- right through Xmas -- without any help?! But then I tried to be positive:I have to get through the three months. What other option is there? I know my wife will try to help me, but her patience is wearing thin. I don`t blame her. She must be going through her own trauma with all this.
With the help of the people on this site, the SJW, my wife`s support and my own shaky determination I will get through this. There is no alternative....
Thanks again.
Posts: 1 | | Registered: Sat 2 Nov 2002 1:26 |
| | "Re(1):Fear & loathing in LA" , Sat 2 Nov 04:13
hi polar, please carry on with the sjw, and also use kava kava, valarian, and 100mg htp, use all 4 together and im sure you will start to feel better really quickly, weeks, if not days, depression is a very depilitating illness, but you can feel better, and i find with the combination, of the 4 they work really well, my son got stabbed five years ago (he,s ok now though) thought i was dealing with it really well, but then suddenly,,,,,, well you know the feeling......... anyway have been every anti depressant ( iam a pharmacy technician so know quite a lot about pom ) doctors put me on paroxetine, sertraline, and the last one prozac, which did help, but the weight gain, was making more depressed, so stopped taking it straight away, and on the same day, took the combination of the 4,and in a few days started to feel much better, honestly it was that quick, with me , i also take b12 and b6 which also help with depression, please find a herbalist today, and go and buy them straight away, i really know what you are going through with the jealously, and the possessiveness, and these do help believe me, isnt it worth trying give it a few months, but if it works keep taking it, because like prescription medicines, sometimes, when you stop taking thse, the depression etc comes back, good luck, let me know how you go...... also remember, your wife obviously loves, you and if she does leave it wont be because of another man but because she couldnt cope with your accusations, please try........be thinking of you....
p tanner
Posts: 0 | | Registered: Sat 2 Nov 2002 3:51 |
| | | "Re(2):Fear & loathing in LA" , Wed 27 Nov 09:55
Polar,
When I got married, about 10 years ago, my wife was one of those women that gets a lot of attention. I'm an average looking guy. I always felt like someone would try and "steal" her away or she would find some huge muscle filled dude and run away with him. It wasn't really obsessive, but it was certainly jealousy...
Well, as it turns out, she did end up cheating on me. With a real ugly looking jerk. Needless to say, I got very ill over it and am still suffering. That was exactly 2 years ago.
What I'm trying to tell you is, that it's not worth it. Believe it or not, SHE's not worth it. Meaning, you need to try and either trust her or leave. The middleground is going to drive you nuts.
I know it's much easier said than done, but you have to try. Look at me, I'm a mess.
george
Posts: 8 | | Registered: Sat 5 Oct 2002 12:31 |
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