Topic Title: Having a down day (therapy writing)
| |  "Having a down day (therapy writing)"
, Sat 13 Jul 04:18
I'm having a bit of a down day today, and I felt the need to share it with somebody as therapy... I don't want to keep dumping on my husband so here I am...
I've been on SJW for about 5 weeks now and on the whole I feel less anxious than I did before, and I've stopped having really bad panic attacks. I've been keeping a chart (an idea I picked up from someone on this forum) and it looks as if I've been making a steady upward climb, though not as dramatic as some, and I still have bad days (like today).
I've suffered other bouts of depression, but mainly anxiety, over the years. It's usually free floating anxiety, ie I don't worry about specific things, but often just feel really bad for no apparant reason, and have the most bizarre metaphysical thoughts, like what am I doing here, do I really exist, what happens when we die, am I going crazy etc etc.
This particular bout started about 3 months ago with a series of panic attacks, and then one huge attack first thing one morning (always my worst time) during which I felt like I had gone insane and I didn't exist any more, or I was at the bottom of a black hole. I've since read lots about anxiety and discovered what I had was probably derealisation, or dissociation, which is fairly common but very scary. I think my problem is that I never fully 'came back' from that place yet and it has caused me to feel depressed as well.
I am a mother of three and have a responsible job, and I'm fine when I'm busy (which is most of the time), but as soon as I stop the thoughts flood in and I become really anxious again. I had a headache this morning so I stayed in bed for a while, but unfortunately that is something I just shouldn't do anymore because it sets me off thinking...
I can't understand why I feel so bad, I'm happily married, my kids are great and I live in a really nice part of the world, so why should I get this? It feels so ungrateful when so many people have such serious problems in their lives.
Anyway, I think I've probably gone on enough now. I am wondering whether or not to press post or just turn off the computer altogether. I think I will post it, but I apologise for going on so long. Maybe if anything strikes a chord with anyone bored enough to read this through they could let me know...
juju
Posts: 23 | | Registered: Fri 3 May 2002 3:4 |
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| |  "Re(1):Having a down day (therapy writing)"
, Wed 26 Feb 01:41
hi just read your story and it really struck a chord with me it was if i wrote that myself as everything you described is how i feel at mo.i know this is an old piece but i was wondering if you could contact me a let me know if you got over this and how or if you arestill going through it.
p.s where are you from i am from the south east of england.
much apprieciated zoe b.
Posts: 0 | | Registered: Wed 26 Feb 2003 1:36 |
| | "Re(1):Having a down day (therapy writing)" , Sun 25 Aug 14:42
Juju...I have those same type of strange thoughts. Like, why do I exist and what is reality and all of that...I seem to have this deep depression after an episode of top of the world and high ego trips but no therapist I've ever talked to thinks it's bipolar...my present therapist is positive I'm ADD and the highs and lows are because ADDers get bored real easy and go into a funk unless they are really doing something that is cutting edge interesting.
My wife and I can trace these cycles to about every three years. I can't figure it out and also have had bad experiences with Paxil and Welbutron...Prozac was okay but put me in a deep blah state...just too deep a funk.
I'm trying Omega 3 fatty acids ad can see some easing but do still have the "bad" days...thanks for your post and being honest about the metaphysical feelings...it helps to know others are experiencing some of the same episodes.
The "unreal" feelings are very scary and I get so bad I keep thinking, now ho can I provide for my family when I'm going totally crazy?
I'm thinking of getting some SJW but don't want to go through any of the PAXIL nightmare thing again...boy, was that a bitter pill, getting off of it...I know Paxil gave me more depression and also the unreal thinking. It was like I had anxiety but could control it and keep it from consuming me...then after paxil I dropped off a ledge into deeper depression. Oh well, long story...I'm sure you are familiar with it.
Harry
Posts: 2 | | Registered: Tue 13 Aug 2002 17:40 |
| | "Re(1):Having a down day (therapy writing)" , Sat 10 Aug 09:08
Hi! I know it's a while since you wrote, but I just found this site today, and I saw your message - I hope you're feeling better now! But I feel so much the same as you - I feel really down and panicky and scared, but I can't quite identify why! Quite often I suffer from anxiety and it very like what you describe - non-specific, but feeling really bad!
But it's been worse this last few weeks. A friend was killed a few weeks ago and I've found it very hard since then - he was my husband's best friend, but my husband is doing better than I am - I'm struggling with guilt a lot - if I'm ratty (what if something happens to my husband...); that my husband came home (they were out on their motorbikes together...); that I can't make my daughters happy all the time..... I really want to 'pull myself together' but don't seem able to..... It really helped to read your message - thankyou for being honest!! I've started taking SJW (which is why I'm visiting this site!!) - I'm waiting for the benefits, but I'm hopeful!! My twin sister reckons it's brilliant stuff, so I'll stick with it for a while!
Posts: 0 | | Registered: Sat 10 Aug 2002 8:59 |
| | "Re(1):Having a down day (therapy writing)" , Mon 15 Jul 17:24
Dear JuJu
Reply for you on Life begins at 40. Good to know that we are not alone isn't it, although my life has been c~~~, however nice to email. HOPE
Posts: 15 | | Registered: Tue 28 May 2002 0:52 |
| | "Re(1):Having a down day (therapy writing)" , Mon 15 Jul 05:39
juju:
Sure hope you are feeling better. I too have a wonderful life. Great husband, two children, pretty good job...lots of demands on my time. I have been taking SJW for about 5 wks as well with marked improvement. I have been suffering from panic attacks for quite some time but didn't really recognize them as such. When I mentioned the symptoms to my internist, she recommended using anti-depressants (specifically SSRI's). I had horrible reactions to three different medications I so vowed to take another route. Now, I am suffering from generalized anxiety disorder which I have to associate with the experimentation of these medications. It's so frustrating to have a bigger problem than when I started.
Anyhow, with all of that said, I too have good and bad days but for the most part, I feel I am doing much better having SJW and weekly appointments with a counselor. You didn't mention if you were too. I always thought it was really for someone else and wouldn't work for me but I found a woman that I really like and who helps me think through the issues and situations that appear to be giving me the most anxiety. Mornings are always tough for me as well and I haven't figured out why. I awaken very nervous and nauseous most of the time. Once I try a few relaxation techniques and take that first SJW of the day, I begin to get back on balance.
I am happy to have found this site to correspond with those who are experiencing similar situations. Take good care of yourself and remember we are here for you!
Posts: 3 | | Registered: Mon 24 Jun 2002 13:13 |
| | | "Re(2):Having a down day (therapy writing)" , Wed 17 Jul 09:09:
Thanks for your replies.
I'm feeling slightly better, not brilliant, but we all keep going don't we? It's so helpful to know there are people out there in the same boat, for whatever reason, and are kind enough to offer support.
Sundial, I'm sure you're right that a bad reaction to medications can just make the problem much worse. I had bad side effects physically with Effexor, and really bad mental side effects from Cipramil (Celexa). I'm convinced I wouldn't be feeling what I am now if I hadn't tried these. I'm not against prescription meds, it's just that it seems such a lottery whether or not you get better or worse, and for people with anxiety/depression problems this can seem too much of a risk. The problem is, if you can't take the meds, the doctors are at a loss as to what else to do.
On the subject of counselling, I am currently on a waiting list to receive some cognitive therapy from a psychologist. Here in the UK private therapists cost a great deal, so most people get referred through the National Health Service via their family doctor. This is also a very hit and miss situation, depending on the resources of the local health authority - mine is in the process of closing a number of mental health units so appointments are few and far between.
The last time I got anxious/depressed, (though not as badly as this time) I put off going to a doctor. The reason for this was 'Wizard of Oz' thinking - I wanted to believe that if things got bad enough there would be people out there who could help, but I was afraid to put this to the test. This time I did test it, and found the wizard to be a phony, so to speak...in other words, if you don't take the meds, you are on your own to cure yourself. Luckily, there's SJW and supportive people - and this website!
Anyway, once again I've really rambled on. I guess I needed to have a real grumble so apologies to any readers. I'm hopeful that I'll start to feel better soon, the SJW has certainly taken the edge off the anxiety and I'm sleeping much better. I'm also going on holiday (vacation) next week so that may make a difference...although my husband's family are joining us so I'll reserve judgment on that!
Take care of yourselves,
juju
[this message was edited by juju on Wed 17 Jul 13:08]
Posts: 26 | | Registered: Fri 3 May 2002 3:4 |
| | | "Re(3):Having a down day (therapy writing)" , Wed 24 Jul 15:01
Dear JuJu
Hope you found the book and that you have a good holiday. Am having a bad week so logged on. I live in the UK and agree with the price of counsellors, my first 8 sessions were paid for, now I have to pay myself. She is excellent but it is a way to go. I smiled when I thought of myself going on hols with my husband's family, I probably would rather walk hot coals. I suppose I can laugh at myself and their absurdity abit more. Nice to know I am not alone, have a good holiday. HOPE
Posts: 17 | | Registered: Tue 28 May 2002 0:52 |
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