Topic Title: New - help please
| |  "New - help please"
, Fri 30 Aug 05:29:
Hi all. To say that I am new to dealing with this 'stuff' is an understatement. I will try to make this post short and quick - as I tend to be wordy, but forgive me if it gets a bit long. I never really thought of myself as 'depressed'. I've had bad points in my life, severe lows, but I just never thought of it as abnormal. I never thought of it as 'normal' either - I just never thought about it at all. These drops happened - and I dealt with them and life went on. Things SEEMED to take a wild dive downwards about 2 years ago. I had been married for 2 years to my current husband (one divorce under my belt), and had recently made a career move that ended up doubling my salary. As a result of this, we were able to start looking for homes in the area where my husband grew up - it was a prominent area, a township where the mid to upper-class people seemed to live. We had just closed on our new house, and I started at a job that I thought was a dream - I was working out of the home as a consultant. It's hard to describe what happened next, but I was in a situation where the job definately wasn't working out. I was paid by the hours that I could bill - only given one client by my company, and was very hard pressed to come up with a full weeks of hours to bill on. I was torn between the pressure of finding enough work to bill them on, so that my paycheck wouldn't suffer, and dealing with what most consultants would deam as a bad client situation - and it was my first time in a job like that. I didn't want to bill them unfairly, but struggled to find work so that I could get the money to pay my bills. There was more to it, a lot more - but I'll just say that I felt like I had bitten off more than I could chew, and I started to get very very very sad. Things progressed over about 4 months with the company, and it got to the point where I started walking around like a zombie. I went a whole month and didn't clean house, didn't pay my bills, I did only the barest minimum that I had to do. I just wanted crawl up in a ball and shut the world out. And I did. After the last month of dealing with this, I decided to quit the job. I started looking in earnest, and found work with my last employer. During the interview process, she told me "I don't know if anyone has told you yet, but I am a very difficult person to work for." This should have been my red flag to RUN. But I was so desperate to leave my situation, that I thought it couldn't be any worse. I quit my job, started with the new place, and it got better for a little while, but started to drop down again. So, to wrap things up on that end, I guess I have been dealing with depression on and off severely for about 2 years. The worst is when it feels like it's going to take too much energy to do anything, so you don't DO anything. I quit the last job 2 months ago, and have spent the last 2 months looking for work. Then, on Sunday of this week, my husband tells me he isn't in love with me anymore, and he wants out of the marriage. He told his sister (who I am very close with) that "She's ALWAYS depressed, and it's bringing me down. I don't want to live with that." Our problem has been a lack of communication for a long time, so I had NO idea he was feeling this way. That bombshell hit so hard I am still reeling from the impact. I hadn't wanted to unload all this on you all, but there is a point to it. My sis-in-law (the one who I am close to) and I have a lot in common. One thing is dealing with depression. I started seeing counseling right before I quit my last job, at her urging, and also at her suggestion, started taking St. Johns Wort 2 days ago. Early in the day on Wednesday, I was called for a job interview. The first one I have had in nearly 2 months. The job market in my area has been VERY dry lately. Late Wednesday, I went to GNC and picked up their brand of SJW, took 3 capsules around 8:00 PM,watched TV and cried in my pillow the rest of the night - my husband had left to spend the evening with friends to get out of the house. Somewhere along the line, I started to not feel so helpless - had overwhelming feelings of hurt and anger, but wasn't feeling like crawling in a ball and just dissolving into nothingness. The next morning, Thursday, Yesterday, was our Wedding Anniversary. #4. I woke up still sad, hurt, and angry, but not 'drowning' in emotion. I went for the interview, and it went very well. It was the first one I was called on in nearly 2 months, and it felt good to have the guy be so positive when he was talking to me. I left there, and got a phone call informing me that some money I was expecting was coming my way from a law settlement - not much - but being unemployed it's going to help. I was at that point on cloud nine. I felt SOO good yesterday, and haven't felt GOOD in a very long time. Odd when you consider I am facing a possible divorce. and it was my wedding anniversary to boot. I was attributing some of the ABILITY to feel good again to the St.Johns Wort. My husband and I went out to dinner - and I tried to describe it to him in terms he may understand. I said, you know how when you go swimming and go underwater, you may be able to hear people and see things, but it's kind of foggy. Thats how it was for me being depressed. Ok, IS for me being depressed. I kinda see stuff and hear stuff, but it's like far away, unreachable, fuzzy, donno -just like your on a drug that brings you to the brink of existence waiting to throw you off. And not being depressed is like being above water - everything clear, and just CLEAR is the best way I can describe it. The pain and hurt are still there, but I can see it, and I can deal with it a little differently - TODAY. My sis-in-law said that there is no way that the SJW could have helped me in one day. She said that it's probably just the good job interview, etc., that was bringing me up. She may be right. That brings me to my questions. I bought SJW, but forgot to ask for the 'standardized' stuff - my sis told me that, but I didn't understand it. I got a bottle that says "Fingerprinted" st. john's wort. It's 500 MG, from GNC. I took 2 for breakfast yesterday and 2 at dinner time. Like I said, the sadness is still there, and man - it hurts so bad sometimes I can hardly stand it. But I DONT FEEL LIKE CRAWLING UP IN A BALL AND JUST CLOSING OUT THE WORLD anymore. I feel like doing something to get my mind off it - like - going to the gym, or taking the dog for a walk, or cleaning house.
This is SOO different than how I felt days ago. Has anyone else seen a signifigant improvement from taking SJW in a short period of time? My sis said that it's psychological for me - I said, sure, it may be - and if it is I DONT CARE :) To not feel so - overcome - is worth it - no matter if it's just psychological or if it is SJW. I can't help thinking it is SJW.
Does anyone else take this brand of SJW? or know if it's the standardized stuff? I am going to try to call them - but please - any imput would help. SORRY this turned out so long.
[this message was edited by tinas on Fri 30 Aug 05:35]
Posts: 1 | | Registered: Fri 30 Aug 2002 4:56 |
| Replies:
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| |  "Re(1):New - help please"
, Mon 2 Sep 17:37
Hi Tinas. It sounds like you are a having a rough time lately, but I'm glad you found a kindred spirit in your sister-in-law ... she sounds like knows her stuff. She is right about "standardized" GNC SJW -- they make 4 different SJW products and this is the right one to buy. "Fingerprinted" is not really the good stuff, but then again if it works, go for it! I once decoded what the GNC labels mean -- see here:
http://www.sjwinfo.org/forums/Brands/messages/10175.shtml
Your description of depression (being underwater) rang true with me. Your situation has similar elements to mine. About a year ago, I came to the realisation I'd been depressed most of my life. I threw myself into SJW, counselling, exercise etc. Within 2-3 months, I felt on top of the world for the first time in years! Sadly, it didn't last and I'm now struggling with it all over again. My wife is not very sympathetic to the idea of someone being depressed, even though I'm sure she's no stranger to it either.
Like Jos, I'm skeptical about seeing SJW work this fast. I have seen other people report it though, so it might happen in some cases. The acid test is how you feel over the next couple of weeks -- it normally takes a couple of weeks for the main effect to kick in. If you find the effect dropping off in weeks to come, you can always switch to the Standardized version.
Epyx
Posts: 327 | | Registered: Mon 3 Dec 2001 22:11 |
| | "Re(1):New - help please" , Sat 31 Aug 14:23
I am sure not trying to burst your bubble but .. it really isn't possible for something, either SJW of a prescription drug, to work in a day. The simple fact is that it does take time - and that goes for everything. But still, if you give it time, you may see a definite positive result. I am sorry you have been feeling so bad lately :( But there are a lot of supportive people here who know what you are going through, if it helps ..
Jo
Posts: 232 | | Registered: Tue 12 Mar 2002 5:43 |
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