Christmas, by Daniel (+6 replies) [Archive] - Kelly's SJW discussion forum

Kelly

19th February, 2006, 07:44 AM

Dec 29, 2002
<table width=100% cellspacing="1" cellpadding="5" border="0"><tr> <td width="26%" bgcolor=#dddedd valign=top> <table width=100% cellspacing=0 cellpading=0 border=0><tr valign=top><td align=left> Daniel <IMG SRC="http://www.sjwinfo.org/forums/graphics/faces/b11.gif" border="1" width="32" height ="32" ></td><td align=right> Home Page <IMG SRC="http://www.sjwinfo.org/forums/graphics/home-1.gif" border=0> </td></tr></table></td><td width="74%" bgcolor=#dddedd> <IMG SRC="http://www.sjwinfo.org/forums/graphics/icons/posticon.gif"> "It's my 'time of the year' again..." , Sun 29 Dec 05:26<HR SIZE=1> This is my least favourite time of year. Christmas never fails to cheer me up a lot, but afterwards I always seem to crash into this deep low which can last for weeks. A combination of Post Holiday Depression and Seasonal Affective Disorder, I think. I feel very tired and sad. The smallest things seem to be able to get under my skin and irritate me. To make matters worse, the weather here is really terrible - continuous rain and dark grey skies. Not only does this make my SAD worse, but it also stops me from going out for a walk, which might make me feel better. I feel cooped up inside the house. I've been taking SJW for a month now. I started out at a low dose and worked my way up slowly. It seemed to start working fairly quickly. Recently I hit the full 900mg, but in the last couple of days it doesn't seem to have had much effect. If anything, it's making me feel even more tired and dazed. I feel especially depressed and tired in the mornings, and it takes all day to recover. Drinking alcohol sometimes helps, but I don't want to go down that road too often because I know I'll end up feeling worse in the long run. I don't want the SJW to stop working because the first 2 or 3 weeks on it were so promising. Has this happened to anyone else? Sorry to bring you down like this so soon after Xmas, but I don't really have anyone else I can talk to about this and I'm sure you'll understand only too well how I feel. Dan

<HR SIZE=1>Posts: 15 | | Registered: Sat 14 Dec 2002 17:8</td></tr></table> </TD></TR><TR><TD bgcolor=></TD></TR><TR><TD bgcolor= >
<table width=100% cellspacing="1" cellpadding="5" border="0"><tr> <td width="26%" bgcolor=#eeeeee valign=top> <table width=100% cellspacing=0 cellpading=0 border=0><tr valign=top><td align=left> jms7 <IMG SRC="http://www.sjwinfo.org/forums/graphics/faces/Rhino.gif" border="1" width="32" height ="32" ></td><td align=right> Home Page <IMG SRC="http://www.sjwinfo.org/forums/graphics/home-1.gif" border=0> </td></tr></table></td><td width="74%" bgcolor=#dddedd> <IMG SRC="http://www.sjwinfo.org/forums/graphics/icons/posticon.gif"> "Re(1):It's my 'time of the year' again..." , Sun 29 Dec 15:35<HR SIZE=1> Dan- Many of us want Xmas to be so special, but it's hard to really feel it, as we did as children. What a feeling to believe in Santa Clause and the magic in the world, but we have to grow up, and leave the magic behind. I'm ok with it, but still have a little sense of loss for the mystery of things. We have to find the good things in smaller doses now. A good meal, favorite tv program, football, music, books, whatever you like. I believe we keep a close watch on the small positive things, and then maybe they add up to some of the big things we have had to leave behind. Your reaction to SJW will vary up and down a little ,but there's still help there. Stay with it and start work on improving your outlook on life. See the good things around and about you. Make yourself be aware of the positive little events and things about you. Have a good 2003, Dan. James

<HR SIZE=1>Posts: 67 | | Registered: Tue 5 Nov 2002 7:3</td></tr></table>
<table width=100% cellspacing="1" cellpadding="5" border="0"><tr> <td bgcolor="" width="6%"> </td><td width="20%" bgcolor=#dddedd valign=top> <table width=100% cellspacing=0 cellpading=0 border=0><tr valign=top><td align=left> Daniel <IMG SRC="http://www.sjwinfo.org/forums/graphics/faces/b11.gif" border="1" width="32" height ="32" ></td><td align=right> Home Page <IMG SRC="http://www.sjwinfo.org/forums/graphics/home-1.gif" border=0> </td></tr></table></td><td width="74%" bgcolor=#eeeeee> <IMG SRC="http://www.sjwinfo.org/forums/graphics/icons/posticon.gif"> "Re(2):It's my 'time of the year' again..." , Sun 29 Dec 18:06<HR SIZE=1> I was very depressed when I posted earlier (around lunchtime) - about as bad as I have ever felt. It scared me a little because I thought I could feel myself slipping back into how I felt in November, before I started the SJW. Now (late at night) I feel much happier. Maybe I just need to change the timing of my doses. At the moment I don't take my first dose until lunch. On the other hand, I've never been a morning person, and I don't suppose I ever will be! Thanks for the advice and support, James. I guess some of the magic has inevitably gone out of Christmas, but it is still a special time of year for me. Even when I was a kid I remember having this problem after Christmas, but it has become especially bad in recent years. The other time I get it is after summer vacations. I guess this happens to everyone, but for me it seems to be particularly severe. I've seen a couple of references to Post Holiday Depression on the www, so perhaps it's starting to be taken more seriously. One of my goals for 2003 (I hesitate to call it a New Year's Resolution, because I've broken every single one I've ever made) is to improve my outlook on life. The thing is, when I'm not depressed I'm more than capable of taking pleasure in small positive events, seeing beauty in things around me, and just generally feeling engaged with the world. When I'm depressed, my whole mindset changes. Everything feels grey and flat. I feel very disconnected. Negative things, even very minor irritations, bother me a lot more than they would otherwise. I don't really need to tell you this, of course - it's one of the defining characteristics of depression. I feel I need the SJW (or light therapy, or something) to improve my mood and self-confidence enough to help me make the changes I need to make, and to carry on working on thinking more positively. Happy New Year, and here's to a 2003 of good mental health. Dan

<HR SIZE=1>Posts: 16 | | Registered: Sat 14 Dec 2002 17:8</td></tr></table>
<table width=100% cellspacing="1" cellpadding="5" border="0"><tr> <td bgcolor="" width="10%"> </td><td width="16%" bgcolor=#dddedd valign=top> <table width=100% cellspacing=0 cellpading=0 border=0><tr valign=top><td align=left>
mmf <IMG SRC="http://www.sjwinfo.org/forums/graphics/faces/springbirdie.gif" border="1" width="32" height ="32" ></td><td align=right> </td></tr></table></td><td width="74%" bgcolor=#dddedd> <IMG SRC="http://www.sjwinfo.org/forums/graphics/icons/frown.gif"> "Re(3):It's my 'time of the year' again..." , Sat 4 Jan 20:19<HR SIZE=1> Hey, Dan. I have SADs too, have had it for many, Many years. I started using a light box 10 years ago, and it has made all the difference in the world to me! I bought it from sunbox.com. and that site has a lot of information about SADs and how to use the box. Have you ever thought of using a light box? I sit in front of it for 30 minutes, to maybe 45 minutes each morning, and it totally helps.

<HR SIZE=1>Posts: 56 | | Registered: Sat 29 Sep 2001 10:2</td></tr></table>
<table width=100% cellspacing="1" cellpadding="5" border="0"><tr> <td bgcolor="" width="14%"> </td><td width="12%" bgcolor=#eeeeee valign=top> <table width=100% cellspacing=0 cellpading=0 border=0><tr valign=top><td align=left> Daniel <IMG SRC="http://www.sjwinfo.org/forums/graphics/faces/b11.gif" border="1" width="32" height ="32" ></td><td align=right> Home Page <IMG SRC="http://www.sjwinfo.org/forums/graphics/home-1.gif" border=0> </td></tr></table></td><td width="74%" bgcolor=#dddedd> <IMG SRC="http://www.sjwinfo.org/forums/graphics/icons/posticon.gif"> "Re(4):It's my 'time of the year' again..." , Sun 5 Jan 18:01<HR SIZE=1> I feel much better now! It's exactly 5 weeks to the day since I started SJW, and in the last few days I've felt much happier all day, not just the evenings. Hopefully the effect is starting to stabilise now, though I still feel a bit 'wired' now and again, like I've drunk too much coffee (I gave up some time ago). I guess the days between Xmas and New Year were just a blip, perhaps an extended hangover. I drank moderately, but even that can give me bad 'morning after' depression. Hi mmf, and thanks for the SunBox link. I live in Europe, and I'll be moving to the UK this year so I'd be looking for a UK-based company to buy a lighbox from, but the SunBox site was very informative. I recently bought a dawn simulator, but I haven't had a chance to test it properly yet because I'm visiting my family for the holidays and it was too bulky to bring with me. If that doesn't work I'll be getting a light box next winter. As well as SAD I think I have Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome (at the moment I can't sleep before 3 or 4 a.m. and get up at 1 p.m. given the chance), which can be treated with bright light in the morning, so I think you're right that bright light therapy of some kind is the best long-term solution for me. Mind you, I think I'll need SJW for a while yet as I often get mild depression in the summer. In the winter it always gets much worse and becomes more like SAD (oversleeping and general worsening of my sleep pattern problems, more tiredness, carbohydrate cravings, etc.) Do you take SJW as well as use a lightbox? If you do, what do you think of the combined effect? (I'll save the safety question for a separate thread) Whichever treatment or combination I end up using, I hope this will have been my last winter of SAD. Dan

<HR SIZE=1>Posts: 22 | | Registered: Sat 14 Dec 2002 17:8</td></tr></table>
<table width=100% cellspacing="1" cellpadding="5" border="0"><tr> <td bgcolor="" width="14%"> </td><td width="12%" bgcolor=#dddedd valign=top> <table width=100% cellspacing=0 cellpading=0 border=0><tr valign=top><td align=left>
mmf <IMG SRC="http://www.sjwinfo.org/forums/graphics/faces/springbirdie.gif" border="1" width="32" height ="32" ></td><td align=right> </td></tr></table></td><td width="74%" bgcolor=#eeeeee> <IMG SRC="http://www.sjwinfo.org/forums/graphics/icons/smile.gif"> "Re(5):It's my 'time of the year' again..." , Mon 6 Jan 13:48<HR SIZE=1> Hi. Glad to hear you're feeling better! I have been using the light box for 10 years now, after Finally being diagnosed with SADs. I've had SADs my whole life, I think, since I was 13 for sure, and maybe before. The light box Totally helped with the Way over sleeping, and carbohydrate cravings, and some of the other SADs symptoms. I started SJW because of situational depression---I slipped over to a different type of depression, not just SADs. I couldn't eat, lost weight without trying, couldn't sleep, and fell into the Black Pit of Hell. Totally horrible. So, then I added SJW to my diet, and it was Wonderful! Almost the first day I took it, I could feel it's affect. It was amazing! So, I know my brain chemicals were really depleated, and it was what I needed to rebalance them. I used SJW and the light box together for 3 years, and it was the best! I almost didn't need the light box! And then I started to taper the SJW, after hearing that there Might be problems with using the light box and taking it, cataracts Might develop. And at the time, both my elderly parents were dealing with cataracts, and they still are. Soooo, I tried tapering off a couple of times, and wasn't successful. SO I increased the light box time, and was finally able to taper off VERY slowly, without becoming depressed again. I'm Still taking one 300 tablet of Kira, every other day, until my massive supply runs out---down to two boxes. Who knows, maybe when I'M 85, I'll find out the light box was worse for my eyes!! And I should have stuck with the Kira! Sigh. I've also been to two therapists, still at my second, and learning to deal with things in my life, cognitive therapy is excellent! Feeling Good by David Burns is an excellent book. My second therapist is a trauma specialist, specializing in Post Traumatic Stress and Dissociation, but mostly, right now, she is helping me deal with current relationships in a better way. I exercise, eat better, listen to music a Lot, oh! and now have a massage therapist that I see every two weeks for a half hour <IMG SRC="http://www.sjwinfo.org/forums/graphics/emoticons/eyemouth.gif"> take my vitamins, soak in whirlpool occassionaly....I switched over to 200 mg. every other day of Sam-e for a boost during my pms cycle. I start to ruminate and get very self-negative thoughts during that time, and I think the Sam-e helps, without the light problem side affects. I've been away for two weeks from my light box, down in a sunny warm place, but since I've been back, I'm crying at the slightest thing, and think I missed my light box! I should be back together in about 5 days, hopefully! I think you just have to search and research and experiment and find out what works for you, and use it. Everyone reacts to things in such different ways! Good luck to you!!

<HR SIZE=1>Posts: 57 | | Registered: Sat 29 Sep 2001 10:2</td></tr></table>
<table width=100% cellspacing="1" cellpadding="5" border="0"><tr> <td bgcolor="" width="14%"> </td><td width="12%" bgcolor=#dddedd valign=top> <table width=100% cellspacing=0 cellpading=0 border=0><tr valign=top><td align=left> Daniel <IMG SRC="http://www.sjwinfo.org/forums/graphics/faces/b11.gif" border="1" width="32" height ="32" ></td><td align=right> Home Page <IMG SRC="http://www.sjwinfo.org/forums/graphics/home-1.gif" border=0> </td></tr></table></td><td width="74%" bgcolor=#dddedd> <IMG SRC="http://www.sjwinfo.org/forums/graphics/icons/posticon.gif"> "Re(6):It's my 'time of the year' again..." , Mon 6 Jan 19:15<HR SIZE=1> Hi, and thanks for replying and sharing your experience with me. I've had SAD for a while too, at least since I was 17 (I'm mid-twenties now), possibly before. When I was at university, I suffered from depression a lot - as well as the good times I can remember times when I would wake up and feel like crying, and other times when all I could do was lie down and listen to sad music - and it was almost always during the winter. But it was only three winters ago that I realised I might have depression, and two winters ago that I realised I might have SAD. This autumn, after a summer of mild depression and with steadily worsening SAD symptoms, I finally decided to do something about it. I guess I've been in denial about it for quite a while. I feel much better now than I normally would at this time of year, so the SJW must be doing good things for my brain chemistry. I also think the fact that I've finally realised and accepted that I have depression and done something about it on my own (after being checked out by a doctor) has helped my self-esteem. I'm still thinking of a light box because although SJW seems to be effective against my depression, I'm still oversleeping and my body clock always gets wildly out of sync in the winter, and SJW doesn't seem to be doing anything for that either. Maybe using a light box for a short period each morning would help to keep my body clock in sync, and be relatively safe. I don't know if you've read my post in the General Discussion area about the safety issue. There doesn't seem to be any conclusive proof that SJW and bright light can cause cataracts, but there is a troubling lack of research on the long term effects of taking SJW and using light boxes. I think the main danger, if there is any, is from sunlight rather than light boxes, because light boxes filter out UV radiation. I intend to do much more research into SJW, depression, SAD, cognitive therapy etc. and to start living a healthier and antidepressant lifestyle (as you sound like you're doing) so thanks for the book recommendation. Maybe I'll go for some therapy too, if I can find a sympathetic doctor when I move back to the UK. I really envy you having spent the last couple of weeks somewhere warm and sunny. It's done nothing but rain here. I hope you quickly get over the shock of getting back. Dan

<HR SIZE=1>Posts: 25 | | Registered: Sat 14 Dec 2002 17:8</td></tr></table>
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