Start again?

[sister ray]

Hello.

I started taking 75mg of 5-htp maybe six weeks ago but stopped after five days. I didn't feel anything straight away and I thought because of the nature of my depression the way I was feeling was just something I had to resolve - which I had done with a lot of the things that were troubling me. I had mild side-effects (a little tired/anxious), but nothing too bad. I was prescribed effexor xr but I really didn't want to take it.

I guess I just wanted to explain the way I'm feeling a little to see if you think it might be of help.

I've been feeling mildly depressed for a about three/four years because of a few things. They were pretty crappy things, I just half got over them. The story is five months ago I met this girl I quite liked - it was awesome and we got along really well. Anyway, I was pretty confused because nothing ended up happening even though it seemed like she wanted to. She's kinda shy so I guess she felt a bit awkward. So I wasn't feeling very good. And then I began to feel really really bad and had a serious breakdown about two months ago. My doctor said it was just that because of the way I'd been feeling my chemicals were all out of whack and I reacted badly to something.

Everything's really good with the girl again and we're meeting up next weekend for drinks (first time since January), but I still feel really bad. I think about stuff way too much and I pretty much tore myself apart in thinking that I wasn't good enough/was too different from her. These things I was thinking have reasons so I that's why I don't know whether antidepressants will work. I felt pretty good for about a week (I'm starting uni in a few weeks and I think looking for a place to live distracted me), and when I thought about things they didn't really bother me, but I'm pretty much back where I was and I'm thinking I only felt ok because I didn't really think about it. I just feel that if it wasn't for these things I wouldn't feel like I do, and I feel it's more of an angry depression that a sad depression.

I know you should give it a chance but I read that you kind of feel something about twenty minutes after you start. I didn't so I'm not sure whether it's right for me. Is there anyone who didn't really feel it straight away but felt it worked? And anyone with similar feelings to me in terms of the nature of the depression. I'm thinking about starting again on 50mg.

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

[manintheboxx]

Hey, I know exactly how you feel. I have certain things in my life that I can change, and others that I have to live with. As with you, my depression has been caused by outside factors, as is most people's depression. A lot of the things going on in my life are pretty crappy, including my Dad being sick, and it's all too easy to fall into depression thinking about them. I have done (a lot) of drugs and find myself in my room not wanting to hang out with anyone, just thinking about all the bad stuff that is going on, or is going to happen in the future, or what MIGHT happen, etc.

Illicit drugs were a short term solution, and after I was done using them the problems will still there. I was fat, not taking care of myself, and depressed all the time. I started to use 5-HTP to replace the illicit drug use, with mixed results. Did it make me able to cope with the things that I was depressed about? To a certain degree, yes. But the problems were still there.

I guess what I am trying to say is that you can use all the drugs in the world and still be pissed off about the world (I'll be the first to admit that life can be anything but relaxing). But trying to escape from your problems exclusively by swallowing a pill is the wrong mindset to take into self-treatment. Don't get the wrong idea, I have a 3 month supply of 5-HTP in the mail right now. I plan on using it as a tool to face the problems that lie in front of me. Over the years I have learned that no matter how hard I try to trick the brain, it is stronger than most any drug out there. However, if you approach the drug treatment as a tool to better your life, that is how you can be successful.

You mentioned that the things you have been thinking have reasons - well, maybe you don't have the confidence right now to attack those reasons and change them. But that is the only way that you will be able to feel better about yourself. For example, I was fat in grade school, and was very depressed about it. While I am not proud of HOW I lost the weight, I decided one day that instead of moping around about I was going to do something about it. Determined to lose the weight, I dropped 50 pounds and got to a normal size. The ramifications of this were awesome - I felt good about myself for the first time in my life, and because I felt good about myself I was able to conquer some social anxiety that I felt and got back out there and made new friends and got girlfriends. Yes, I used drugs to lose the weight. But I was looking at the big picture - I wasn't using drugs just to feel better, I used them as a tool to improve something in my life that was making me feel depressed. The point in case - your path to happiness lies in your desire to improve on what you are not happy about. This is your world, your mind, your body.

However, maybe you can't change them, like some of my problems. This line from your post really stood out to me:

I felt pretty good for about a week (I'm starting uni in a few weeks and I think looking for a place to live distracted me), and when I thought about things they didn't really bother me, but I'm pretty much back where I was and I'm thinking I only felt ok because I didn't really think about it.There is nothing wrong with distracting yourself from problems that you can't change - in fact, I think it's the best way to cope with them. For example, right now I am jobless and moneyless. Just sitting around the house I have had way too much time to think, and that is a dangerous thing for anybody with my problems. In retrospect, I was a lot less depressed when I was working 40 hours a week, going to the gym, then out on the weekends - it left me little time to think. Since then I broke my hand, stopped going to the gym, quit my job because of stress, which created more stress, Dad got sicker - long story short, I have become depressed again. What am I going to do about it? Well, I plan to go back to the gym this week (exercise is a GREAT natural anti-depressant), have put in job applications, and started to think about going to school to be an EMT. But I feel no motivation to do these things because of my depression - it's hard! So I am going to try 5-HTP again to try to get that drive to better myself for the long run.

I guess what I am trying to say is if you are looking for a long-term solution for your depression/anxiety, 5-HTP (or any A.D.) is not for you (it's effects only last for a certain amount of time any way, around 3 months). Save the effexor for when you get old and really need it - you don't want to take pills for the rest of your life, your obviously young if your looking at schools. But a short-term fix of relieved stress and clear thinking might be just what you need to attack the problems that are in your life, and hopefully 5-HTP can provide that for you.

If you do decide to try the 5-HTP, start with a lower dose (50-100mg per day) and give it a couple of weeks to really start working. Some people may feel effects right away but a lot of the time it is a placebo effect. When this dose isn't effective anymore, you can either continue to up the dose, or, if you have fixed what you sought to fix, taper off slowly and allow your regular brain patterns to reemerge.

Good luck bud,

D